Put Some Love In It

by Katie Garman

There is a now infamous story in my family about a trip Jim and I took to New York City several years ago. In the cab ride to Laguardia Airport, after a wonderful weekend visiting friends in the City, the woman driving our cab shared some of her fondness for the South when she learned that we were traveling back home to North Carolina. She told us in her best NY accent that one of the things she loves about the South is the food. She recounted a story about a gathering she had shared with some of her people, friends and family, in NC, and she said, “Do you know why that food is so good? I’ll tell you why that food is so good. ‘Cause they put some love in that food. They put some love in every bite of that food.” For the rest of the cab ride, we shared stories about the joys of friendship and fellowship over good food. Jim and I have talked and laughed a lot about that cab ride over the years, particularly because it echoed true for us in why we have come to love living here in Durham.  

For the past year or so, my own family has had the opportunity to volunteer to help serve dinners during the Interfaith Hospitality Network (IHN) weeks at Duke Memorial. Through these experiences, sharing food with our neighbors in IHN, I have learned something about food, the way we share it, and the love we put in it.

It is well-known in our family that I am a “feeder”: I enjoy preparing food for others, sharing food with others, and encouraging others to eat together. At IHN nights, sometimes my own family is rushed, having gathered together at Duke Memorial after our separate days at school, day-care and work. The food we provide is not always completely home-made, but it definitely has some love in it.

As I sit with the women, also mothers, who are participating in IHN, I am often struck by how much we have in common. We sit as we eat, managing our small children, with their inherent tendency to squirm. We share the common bond of having small mouths to feed. We look over our children as they eat their meals, sometimes picking at their food, sometimes relishing each bite with gusto. After they have eaten, we watch our children as they play together, as children do, joining together in games of hide-and-seek in Whitford Hall, or coloring with crayons and decorating bits of paper with stickers, or creating and flying paper airplanes that soar up into the air above our heads.

Sometimes the other moms and I talk freely, and sometimes we sit quietly together. What I have gleaned from these evenings is that many of our hopes and dreams are shared.  We want our children to have healthy meals to eat. We rejoice when our children have opportunities for education, or a spot secured at a safe day-care center. We seek safe and nurturing environments for our kids so that they may grow and flourish. We want our own days to show that we are growing as individuals, and we share the hope that each day will be a little bit better than the day that came before.

As echoed in our first Dinner and Discussion, most of what happens at IHN nights is simply being present together. I alone cannot lift the burdens that these women carry. And yet during our shared meals, I am often reminded that through Christian love, there is some assurance that we can find, build, and strengthen our community together in order to provide an environment in which we and our children can thrive.

Katie Garman

Feb 2012