Who is My Neighbor? The Year Thus Far....

by Katie Garman

The Listening theme began in January with the goal to discern more about our remarkable neighbors in Durham by taking time to hear about the hopes, dreams, pain, and joy in our community. 

We’ve hosted several Dinner and Discussions this year. If you missed these, scroll through this blog to find video links and commentary. 

At our first Dinner and Discussion, we heard generally about what it means to actively listen, and our own Stephen Ministers and members shared how often people just need someone to be present with them. Listening doesn’t mean fixing all of someone’s problems, but it can mean joining in a journey together that brings healing. 

At the second Dinner, we listened to news from Urban Ministries about folks in our community who are hungry, and how we can help address hunger in Durham. We heard stories about the people who are turned away at night when there are not enough beds for all in need. 

At the next Dinner and Discussion, we listened to Sam Wells and Marcia Owen talk about being present in Durham for those who have suffered due to violence in our own community, and the power of listening to our neighbors, and being present with them when loved ones have been killed. 

Our Good Neighbor team has listened to neighbors in Durham close to Duke Memorial: Neighbors at Henderson Towers and in the West End Neighborhood. Around Easter-time, Reynolds shared a story about inviting a family in the West End Neighborhood to our Easter service. We heard hope in the way the invitation was received and we heard gladness from those neighbors that our church would welcome them inside our doors. My sense is that we have more to learn from these neighbors in our surrounding areas.

So far this year, I would say that our listening has taught us about the power of being present. Neighbors in our larger community, as well as members of our own congregation, both long for connection with other people and time for fellowship together. 

I hope you will look into your own heart and join us in listening this year. We would love to hear your ideas about ways to respond to what we are learning about our neighbors, and we hope we’ll have a wonderful turnout at the next Dinner and Discussion on June 4^th 6-8 PM when we listen with open hearts to news about Housing and Homelessness in Durham. You can RSVP here. Thank you for all the ways you continue to join the mission here at Duke Memorial. 

-Katie Garman

Dinner with Sam Wells and Marcia Owen

This spring our small groups read Living Without Enemies: Being Present in the Midst of Violence by Sam Wells and Marcia Owen. This book accompanied our mission theme of "Who is My Neighbor? Listening, Learning and Living with Our City" because it casts a vision for mission that prioritizes Christ-like presence, humility, and listening. At the end of our small group season, we were able to have Sam and Marcia join us for a dinner and discussion to share about their book and their stories. Below is a video of the event and some highlights.

Here are a few quotes from Sam:

The working for model: "You become extremely good at doing something, and you spend the rest of your life doing good for people.That's the way mission in the mainline church in America is generally done...the problem is that it's a flawed model. If you're on the receiving end, the working for model reinforces your humiliation."

The working with model: "Ideally the homeless person comes for the first time to Urban Ministries looking for a meal, but before long they find themselves behind the counter helping to cook the meal, and then they're empowered to actually design the menu, and then after five years or so, somebody's worked their way up through that process and they end up running Urban Ministries."

Being with: "Being with also involves spending time with others like working with, but it's not leading with your skills....And you don't come assuming that you're going to be the agent of change...in fact you don't approach the person assuming they basically need to change....You come because you enjoy, simply, being with them."

Being for: "The emblem of being for is the blogger. The blogger is the person who knows everything, tells everyone they use the wrong vocabulary about this, tells everybody that the last movie they went to see was incredibly wrong because they saw it from the wrong point of view, has absolutely the right attitude about every form of social disadvantage, never engages with anyone who is actually experiencing social disadvantage themselves, just tells everyone else that they're wrong."

"When I read the New Testament, it said, 'If you want to find Jesus, go to be with the poor...' It never occurred to me that I was spending time with the poor to solve their problems. I was spending time with the poor to solve my problems."

And some quotes from Marcia:

 "I started gathering with a group of clergy...to try to figure out, to discern - probably what you all are doing - what is God calling us to do in response to this suffering?"

"Something very, very profound shifted when I would sit in the living room with mothers and brothers and sisters and cousins and fathers and uncles. And there was nothing I could do except share my faith. And that faith is just a humble, "I am here to let you know that your son or your daughter who was so violently and tragically taken from us is my sister and my brother too."

"No matter what happens to me, no matter what insane silliness, or mistakes I make, always God is present in my life. There seems to be nothing I can do to stop that."

"Violence...is the most extreme manifestation of our forgetting who we are as children and creations of God."

"One of the most astounding features of love is that it's immeasurable. So why would you start measuring?"